Drunken Ramble

And so today I did nothing. Nothing was achieved but nothing could be, for I was not in the mood. I'm feeling sad today, not knowing a root cause. General listlessness. There is a certain optimism I have found though. Optimism generally is found where hope remains. I have plenty of hope; hope for the future. The trouble is I find that as the future approaches my hope shrinks, my optimism shrinks, and then I am in the present. Sad. So always hopeful, always optimistic, always sad. It is an odd dichotomy. And it leaves me in a quandary: am I deluded in my hope and optimism, or deluded in my sadness? I'm not sure which is worse; at least the sadness is tangible.

But forgive my morbidity, perhaps I am under the influence of one too many glasses of wine. It has the ability to level me. How tragic that the only time I feel normal is when I am addled.

I suppose the sad realization that I will never have a proper career has led me here. It is sad to know that I will never complete a degree, and have such conviction in that. Nothing could ever compel me to return to a university. They are the death of creativity. University breeds generics, people who would not learn what they know unless it is spoon fed to them. That is the death of learning.

For learning used to be about drive, self education et cetera. You researched something because you were interested, and surely this is pure learning. Such unique individual driven learning is natural, and breeds unique individuals. But the tertiary system kills this, instead opting to instil via a washed up has been (or never could) preaching his rote sermon to a room of faceless drones. And then, after doing so for 10 weeks, grouping them into A B C D E F UG 's. Fuck that, and fuck the hollow promise of contentment that a degree and respectable job offers. It is a lie.